and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
