lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
