I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
honey bunches of taint.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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