I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
