yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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