He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
