The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
