im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
