You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
