So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
