Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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