I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
birth control should be required to get into college
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
