WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
