just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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