i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
