so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
