Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
