Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
