i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
