If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Terrible idea I love it
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
