Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
