Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
