I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
