in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
tell me about the fingering
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