Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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