Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
