Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
