she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
