dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
