You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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