I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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