if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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