super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
