During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
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