i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
