My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Two words: nipple clamps
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