see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
