I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
