Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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