fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
