we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
