I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
