Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
