i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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