My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
