yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
