you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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