I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
In America we eat man semen.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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