Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
