haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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