Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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