i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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