bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
