i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
