There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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