My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
